Wizdumb

wizdumb
Save the whales – collect the whole set
* A day without sunshine is like – night
* On the other hand, you have different fingers
* I just got lost in thought – it was unfamiliar territory
* 42.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot
* 6.99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name
* I feel like I’m diagonally parked in a parallel universe
* You have the right to remain silent – anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you
* I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges
* Honk if you love peace & quiet
* Remember half the people you know are below average
* Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how popular it remains?
* Nothing is fool-proof to a talented fool
* Atheism is a non-prophet organization
* He who laughs last thinks slowest
* Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm
* Eagles may soar, but weasels don’t get sucked into jet engines
* The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse get the cheese
* I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol
* I intent to live forever – so far so good
* Borrow money from a pessimist – they don’t expect it back
* If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
* Mind like a steel trap – rusty & illegal in 37 states
* Quantum mechanics – the dreams stuff is made of
* The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes
* Support bacteria – they’re the only culture some people have
* When everything’s coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane & going the wrong way
* If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you even tried
* A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking
* Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it
* For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism
* Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks
* Never do card tricks for the group you play poker with
* No one is listening until you make a mistake
* Success always occurs in private & failure in full view
* The colder the x-ray table, the more of your body is required on it
* The hardness of butter is directly proportional to the softness of the bread
* The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to your ability to reach it
* To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism, to steal from many is research
* To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above your principles
* Monday’s are an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life
* You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive
* Two wrongs are only the beginning
* The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard
* The sooner you fall behind, the more time you’ll have to catch up
* A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory
* Change is inevitable except from vending machines
* Get a new car for your spouse – it will be a great trade
* Plan to be spontaneous – tomorrow
* Always try to be modest and be proud of it
* If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments
* How many of you believe in telekinesis? Raise my hand…
* Love may be blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener